Hints and suggestions for getting through the holiday season

• Be with supportive, comforting people. Spend time with those who encourage you to be yourself and can accept both your happy and sad feelings.
  
• Be patient with yourself and with your emotions. Give yourself permission to feel sad when everyone around you is celebrating.
  
• Keep things simple and don’t expect too much of yourself.
  
• Plan ahead for family gatherings and decide which traditions you wish to continue and which you wish to let go. Telling others you may cha nge your plans or leave gatherings early can help to take the pressure off as well.
  
• Start new traditions that may be more meaningful to you now that you have had a child or sibling die.
  
• Involve your children and other family members in discussing holiday plans. They may feel unsure of what to expect and may wonder if it is okay to feel excited when they are also very sad.
  
• The holidays can be exhausting. Ask friends and neighbors to entertain young children, run errands or help with shopping.
  
• Be kind to yourself - and take care of yourself. Be open to fun if it comes.
  
• Give yourself permission to celebrate or not to celebrate.
  
• Create a special memorial place, time and/or object for your child.
  
• When going somewhere challenging (e.g. extended family dinner), take something little that belonged to your child with you for moral support - depending on how you feel, you can either place it somewhere quietly so that only you know its significance or you can ‘go public’.
  
• Other ways to honor your child are: Drinking a toast, lighting a candle, playing their special music or song, telling a story about them, writing a letter to them, planting a tree, decorating a tree with their symbols or decoration made in their honor, including their name/s on cards.
  

(adapted from SIDS and Kids Northern Territory and Very Special Kids, November 2004)

Last reviewed: 22/12/24