I will forever be grateful for being Sophia’s mama

Bereaved mum Naveen talks about her baby Sophia and how having faith has helped with her grief.

Six months ago you came into this world, changing our lives forever.

Six months ago we became Sophia’s mama and Sophia’s papa.

Six months ago we understood what unconditional love really meant.

Six months ago we watched our hearts stop beating outside our bodies.

Six months ago we had to give up all the dreams we had for you.

Six months ago we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl who needed to go back to our Creator.

Six months ago we had to say good-bye. It wasn’t until later that I truly absorbed and understood it wasn’t good-bye. It was Insha’Allah we will meet again.

Our baby girl Sophia was born early at 24+4 weeks on the 23rd of May 2019. Too tiny for this world, she fought for almost five days.

We were able to talk to her, see her, touch her, change her diaper, and finally got to hold her when there was nothing more that could be done. And at 8:00am on the 27th of May she passed away as we held her. The only time the three of us sat together as a family.

Sabr in Arabic means patience – for me this meant waiting till a trial in your life took place. Waiting for the storm to pass. Unfortunately the loss of a baby is not a passing storm. It Is here to stay. And you need to find something to hold onto if you’re going to survive.

For me this was my faith. It was the only thing that kept me together, knowing that I am promised that one day I will be reunited with my babies. That I will hold them again in my arms.

There have been times when I have fallen to my knees in shock and sorrow of having a daughter who died. The inability to breathe because of the weight of the grief on my chest, wanting to wake up from this to have just been a bad dream and really I’m still 24+3 weeks pregnant with her. When the Prophet Muhammad lost one of his sons, he said if the mountains could feel the grief, they would crumble to pieces with its intensity. And that is how it feels.

I kept praying for this to become easier. I kept asking when it would get easier. Until one day I stopped praying for it to become easier and I started praying for patience and strength. Because there is no way for this to become ‘easier’.

But my faith promises that I will be reunited with her, that I will get to hold her again, that the emptiness of my arms is temporary.

And sometimes all you can do is hold onto that hope and have faith. Faith that no matter what happens and why it happens, you will survive.

Faith that is your baby is always yours.

Faith that when you are too tired to walk this journey, Allah will carry you.

And I will forever be grateful for being Sophia’s mama.

Last reviewed: 7/9/20