Relationships - Further Reading
From parents following the death of a child:
1. den Hartog, P.N.Bereaved Parents & SIDS and Kids NSW and Victoria (2014). When Relationships Hurt, Too: The Impact of Grief on Parents’ Relationships after the Sudden Death of their Child. Malvern, Vic: SIDS and Kids NSW and Victoria. [full text]
When Relationship Hurts, Too, honours Petra’s late daughter’s life by giving bereaved parents the tools in which to cope with this hurt. Petra has been a grief counselor and social worker for SIDS and Kids for fifteen years, and hopes to validate the experiences of parents and encourage them to seek the support of counselors, participate in support groups and memorial services.
Extract: In our society we are often ill prepared to deal with grief. The death of a child is so unexpected that few of us have had time to think, let alone talk, about these issues. Most bereaved parents perceive their most significant support as coming from within the immediate family, particularly their partner. The next most significant support comes from extended family and friends, followed by bereavement organisations and support groups. This booklet is an additional resource. It shares the thoughts of parents who have experienced the sudden and unexpected death of a baby or young child from SIDS, accident, sudden onset illness, stillbirth and other perinatal deaths…
2. Spohr, H. (2014). The Hard Truth about Staying Married after Losing a Child. Huffpost Parents. [Full text]
Extract: It’s no secret that many marriages fall apart after the death of a child. I completely understand why. The death of a child completely shatters you. You’re the same people, but at the same time, you’re really not. Everyone changes throughout the course of a marriage, but it’s rarely so sudden and complete. So you have to get to know each other again in one of the most harrowing circumstances imaginable….
3. Directions Research. (2006). When a Child Dies: A Survey of Bereaved Parents. Compassionate Friends, Oakbrook, IL, USA [full text]
Extract: “Despite a widespread belief that the death of a child and the divorce of the parents are virtual cause and effect, this survey strongly suggests this to be a myth, confirming the results of the 1999 survey of The Compassionate Friends, as well as another study released the same year by two University of Montana professors…”
For parents following the death of a child:
4. Parachin, V. (2015). Still Standing. Priest, 71(7), 48.
The article offers suggestions on how married couples cope when a death of a child occurs. Many couples that decide to stay together despite the loss of a child learn how to manage loss, deal with grief, and managed to grow a stronger relationship. The author presents steps on how to cope including having a sense of hope and optimism despite the loss, feeling and talking to each other about the range of emotions experienced while coping, and committing to get through the crisis together.
5. Nagel, A. (2012). Surviving with Your Partner. In When your Child Dies: Tools for Mending Parents’ Broken Hearts. New Horizon Press, Far Hills, NJ. Find in an Australian library
6. Maritz, J. E. (2012). A Parent’s Experience of the Couple Relationship after Child Bereavement. Thesis. [full text]
The death of a child is like none other. The impact shakes the world of parents in its entire being. This research tells the story of parents’ experience of the couple relationship after child bereavement. The objectives of the research are to: •explore and describe a parent’s experience of the couple relationship after child bereavement; and •describe guidelines for the advanced psychiatric nurse practitioner to provide support to parents who have experienced child bereavement in order to promote their mental health through the mobilisation of resources. The paradigmatic perspective of this study is guided by the Theory for Health Promotion in Nursing (Rand Afrikaans University, Department of Nursing Science, 2002:2-8). The focus is on the whole person.A functional approach was followed based on Botes’s model (Botes in Rand Afrikaans University: Department of Nursing, 2002:9-15) for nursing research. The researcher utilised a qualitative, descriptive, exploratory and contextual design (Mouton, 1996: 102). An authoethnographic strategy was implemented, & Bochner in Denzin & Lincoln, 2001:739, 747). In-depth, semi-structured, phenomenological interviews were held with parents meeting the sampling criteria.
7. Gambill, A. (1996). Divorce after the Death of a Child. SIDS Network. [full text]
Academic reading:
8. Dyregrov, A., & Dyregrov, K. (2015). Parents’ Perception of their Relationship Following the Loss of a Child. OMEGA-Journal of Death and Dying, doi: 10.1177/0030222815590728
Center for Crisis Psychology, Bergen, Norway
It is known that if one partner wants to talk after the loss of a child, while the other does not, the less satisfied they are with the relationship. The aim of this study was to increase our understanding of parental relationships following the loss of a child. A questionnaire on various aspects of the relationship was sent to 1,027 members of bereavement support organizations for parents who have lost children in Norway. The studied sample (N = 285) consisted of 169 women (59.3%) and 116 men (40.7%), representing 175 couples. Although the participants were generally satisfied with their relationship and felt that it was strengthened, there were challenges of communication and interaction. The loss made the relationship special, and they felt they had learned to know each other on a deeper level. The importance of talking together and communicating thoughts and feelings was emphasized by the parents. Women initiated talk more often and evidenced a greater need to talk. A deterioration of the relationship tended to be related to a lack of understanding, communication, and care. Communication, respect, and understanding were underlined as core factors for perceiving a relationship as positive.
9. Umphrey, L. R., & Cacciatore, J. (2014). Love and Death: Relational Metaphors Following the Death of a Child. Journal of Relationships Research, 5, e4. doi: 10.1017/jrr.2014.4 [full text]
School of Communication, Northern Arizona University, Flagstaff, Arizona, USA
Recognised as one of the most painful human experiences, the purpose of this study was to uncover the relational and metaphorical themes embodied in bereaved parent narratives following the death of a child. Using a grounded approach, 420 narratives were analysed. Results of the study found (a) relational trajectory, (b) grief/coping, and (c) communication as prominent relational themes. In the present study, bereaved parents often described their conjugal relationship metaphorically as being in motion, as a living organism, and as on a journey. Grief was primarily described metaphorically as a type of journey. Communication was metaphorically described in terms of being open or closed. Discovering the experiences of bereaved parents adds to our knowledge about how the stress of child death impacts relational resiliency. Implications are discussed.
10. Hooghe, A., Neimeyer, R. A., & Rober, P. (2011). The Complexity of Couple Communication in Bereavement: An Illustrative Case Study. Death Studies, 35(10), 905-924. doi:10.1080/07481187.2011.553335
Institute for Family and Sexuality Studies, University of Leuven , Leuven, Belgium
Sharing grief experiences, or “storying” grief, can be a key resource in adapting to loss, one that can contribute to stronger bonds and relational intimacy within the family. In this article, the authors conceptualize communication between grieving family members in terms of 3 “D” processes, emphasizing the extent to which such communication is dialectic, dialogic, and dynamic in nature. They illustrate the complexity of sharing about a mutual loss, focused on these 3 features, by referring to a case study of a couple coping with the death of a child in the context of a newly formed family. Rather than unilaterally advocating the promotion of open communication, the authors suggest that therapists working with bereaved families first discuss the complexities of communication with the family members, specifically those concerning talking and keeping silent, and explore the different meanings associated with sharing grief experiences with each other.
Last reviewed: 17/11/24