Stillbirth and Newborn Death - Further Reading
From families following perinatal death:
1. Freeman, J. L. (editor.) (2016). Still a Mother: Journeys through Perinatal Bereavement. Valley Forge Judson Press [more information]
More than 1 million women suffer fetal loss each year, yet most of those women will struggle to find words to share their grief or describe their experience. As some of the least talked about types of loss, miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death can be incredibly isolating. The women who experience it become members of a secret society, silenced by shame or guilt, by confusion and loss of control. In Still a Mother, chaplains Joy Freeman and Tabatha Johnson share their own experiences and collect the stories of nearly a dozen other women who have sustained such loss, not only ending the silence but also helping to equip pastors, congregations, family, and friends in ministering more compassionately and attentively to other mothers who grieve. Features practical insights for pastoral care in each chapter.
2. Jolly, A. (2015). Dead Babies and Seaside Towns. London: Unbound. Find in an Australian library
The world of dead babies is a silent and shuttered place. You do not know it exists until you find yourself there. When Alice Jolly’s second child was stillborn and all subsequent attempts to have another baby failed, she began to consider every possible option, no matter how unorthodox. Dead Babies and Seaside Towns is a savagely personal account of the search for an alternative way to create a family. As she battles through miscarriage, IVF and failed adoption attempts, Alice’s only solace from the pain is the faded charm of Britain’s crumbling seaside towns. Finally, this search leads her and her husband to a small town in Minnesota, and two remarkable women who offer to make the impossible possible. In this beautiful book, shot through with humour and full of hope, Alice Jolly describes with a novelist’s skill events that women live through every day - even if many feel compelled to keep them hidden. Her decision not to hide but to share them, without a trace of sentiment or self-pity, turns Dead Babies and Seaside Towns into a universal story: one that begins in tragedy but ends in joy.
see also book review:
Boynton, P. (2016). Stories of Stillbirth. The Lancet, e-pub ahead of print. doi: 10.1016/S0140-6736
Extract: “Dead Babies and Seaside Towns is a book that should be read to appreciate the psychological, personal, social, and physical toll that stillbirth and miscarriage has on women and their partners.”
3. Chandler, H. (2014). Holding Avery: A Memoir. Douglas, Isle of Man, British Isles MP Publishing. Find in an Australian library
When her otherwise healthy, even idyllic, first pregnancy ends in the sudden and terrible stillbirth of daughter Avery, Heidi Chandler and her husband are left at a total loss. Looking into Avery’s perfect face, one that never cooed or cried, Heidi realizes how much her life has changed. “Holding Avery” is a raw exploration of life after the death of a child. Heidi Chandler unapologetically recounts her heartache—the fears and doubts that come with knowing she is a mother but without a child to care for. The unabashed honesty of her grief will resonate with anyone who has experienced loss and found that the question “why?” may always go unanswered. But Heidi learns that moving through the tragedy is not impossible.
4. Ellery, P., (ed.) & Freedman, M. & Sparrow, R., (comps.) (2014). Never Forgotten: Stories of Love, Loss, and Healing after Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Neonatal Death. [Mamamia], [Australia] Find in an Australian library
When you’ve lost a baby, the path you must travel is yours alone. There’s no shortcut. No Bandaid. No silver lining. But by hearing from others who have walked that same path, the blackness is illuminated just a little. We’ve been there. We know how you feel. We can’t́ change what’s happened and we can’t bring back your baby, but we can light your way through the dark.
5. Hanish, S. & Warner, B. (eds.) (2014). Three Minus One: Parents’ Stories of Love & Loss. Berkeley, CA: She Writes Press. Find in an Australian library
The loss of a child is unlike any other, and the impact that it has on the mother, the father, their family, and their friends is devastating—a shockwave of pain and guilt that spreads through their entire community. But the majority of those affected, especially mothers, often suffer their pain in silence, convinced that their grief and trauma is theirs to bear alone. This anthology of raw memoirs, heartbreaking stories, truthful poems, beautiful painting, and stunning photography from the parents who have suffered child loss offers insight into this unique, devastating and life-changing experience—breaking the silence and offering a ray of hope to the many parents out there in search of answers, understanding, and healing.
6. Heineman, E. (2014). Ghostbelly. New York City The Feminist Press at the City University of New York. Find in an Australian library
Department of History and GENDER, WOMEN’S, and Sexuality Studies, University of Iowa, USA
… Elizabeth Heineman … of advanced maternal age, having a home birth, using a midwife, communing with her dead baby. In Ghostbelly, Heineman’s brave, disarming, and stunning memoir, she recounts her indescribable grief after delivering a stillborn son, her shocking and intimate bonding with the baby’s body before the burial, and the impossible task of saying goodbye… Ghostbelly tells an unexpected, but not uncommon, tale of the space that one can occupy when birth and death are combined. [extracts from publisher’s blurb]
7. Kelly, S. (2014). Do you have any Children? The Practising Midwife, 17(11), 24–26.
Jane Crookall Maternity Unit, Isle of Man, UK
“Do you have any children?” It is a question often posed by the expectant mother as the midwife tends to their needs. For some, this enquiry may lead to an empathetic exchange and relationship building, while other midwives may shudder when they hear this question. Sadly, professional codes and boundaries do not always assist in the guidance of this exchange. Using Gibbs’ reflective cycle (1998) as a framework, this article initially explores my motivations for the selection of responses I have used as a bereaved mother and midwife. Evaluation and analysis of these different approaches has given me an insight into how successfully they preserve the rapport I try to nurture with my clients but also how they might affect me. The reflective process has enabled me to understand how best to tackle the enquiry in future to safeguard my own feelings and that of the client, coming to the conclusion that honesty and truth-telling is probably the best practice.
8. Dabrowski, R. (2013). The Tragedy of Stillbirths. Midwives, 16(1), 44–46.
After the death of a baby, the thought of a postmortem is emotionally devastating. Rob Dabrowski looks into the issues surrounding the examination and speaks to those who have suffered such loss.
9. Jankowski, L. (2013). Changed: Living with Stillbirth. Newport, NSW Big Sky Publishing. Find in an Australian library
The loss of a child is the most devastating event a parent can face. In this moving memoir Liza Jankowski, the mother of four children, two boys and two still born girls, shares her experience with stillbirth and the effects that go far beyond what people could ever imagine. Dreams are destroyed. Lives are changed forever. The loss can seem too hard to bear. After a trouble-free pregnancy, Liza’s first daughter Olivia was declared dead at 41 weeks. Devastated and racked by guilt after deciding not to have the baby induced earlier, Liza was desperate for comfort and answers. If only? Why? What if? Her mind exploded with questions and she felt isolated and alone in her grief. In this emotive personal account, Liza shares her inner-most thoughts and feelings about the loss of a desperately loved daughter and how that loss changed her whole being. She discusses the impact on her relationships, her subsequent pregnancy and what she ultimately learned: devastating as it is, life does get better and the pain will ease. Changed is a powerful combination of a mothers personal journey and helpful information that will offer comfort, hope and understanding.
10. Penrose-Starr, T. (comp.) & Pregnancy Loss Australia. (2012). You are Not Alone : Stories from Australian Families who have Suffered the Loss of their Babies (2nd ed). Knoxfield, Vic.: Celapene Press. Find in an Australian library
Especially chapters 4: Stillbirth and 6: Neonatal death
11. Shah, T. The Tragic Ending of a Healthy Pregnancy. Midwifery Today, 99: 38, 67.
A personal narrative is presented which explores the author’s experience of stillbirth despite a healthy pregnancy.
12. Atlas, J.C. (ed). (2010). They were Still Born: Personal Stories about Stillbirth. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield. Find in an Australian library
A collection of new essays by writers each sharing their firsthand experiences with stillbirth. Atlas includes selections not only from mothers but also fathers and grandparents, all of whom have intimate stories to share with readers. In addition, there are selections that answer many of the medical questions families have in the wake of a stillbirth and that offer the latest research on this devastating loss and how it might be prevented.
13. Mann, F. (2010). And One on the Mantelpiece. Book Pal, [Sunnybank South, Qld.] Find in an Australian library
‘And One on the Mantelpiece’ is a self-help book for those who lose a baby, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal or cot death. To lose a baby is a devastatingly painful experience. This book provides much comfort and helpful advice to those who are grieving for a much loved and wanted baby. The author, Fiona Mann, writes a heartfelt, honest account of her own son Jacob’s stillbirth at full term and takes you with her through her own grief journey over the years to follow. Fiona’s journey lights a pathway for those whose journey is beginning and provides a comforting memoir for those who have gone before.
14. Taylor, Z. (2010). Pregnancy Loss. HarperCollins, Pymble, N.S.W Find in an Australian library
When a pregnancy fails, grieving parents often wonder why no one mentioned it could happen. Yet one in every four women will experience miscarriage or stillbirth. Mother of two and health writer Zoe Taylor has survived repeated pregnancy losses. In this book, she shines a light on every aspect of this topic. A book of courage, hope and survival, it will help all people touched by loss, including parents, partners, friends, family, researchers, doctors and carers.
15. Wyborn, N. (2010). A Mother’s Tears: A Story of Stillbirth and Life. Jane Curry Publishing, Edgecliff, N.S.W Find in an Australian library
The tragic story of midwife Nicole Wyborn and her partner Kane, who lost their second child to stillbirth. Written with raw honesty, this book offers hope and encouragement to all those suffering from the loss of a child.
16. Real Time Health & Speaking from Experience Pty. Ltd (2009). Losing a Baby: Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Neonatal Death. Real Time Health, Melbourne Find in an Australian library
For most parents and families, pregnancy is a happy time filled with joyful anticipation and plans for the future. Losing a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death can cause feelings of shock, sadness and despair, and impact on every aspect of life. Death does not the break the special bond between parent and child; the pain of the often-unexpected loss can be enduring. Many find comfort and support hearing from others how they have coped with their losses. In these 9 ‘Speaking From Experience’ video clips 7 Australian men and women share their experiences of losing a baby. The clips were produced in partnership with SANDS - Stillbirth & Neonatal Death Support Service (VIC).
17. [McCracken, E. (personal account)]. This does Not Have to be a Secret.’. (2008). O, The Oprah Magazine, 9(8). 168.
Writer Elizabeth McCracken shares her experiences of having lost a child due to stillbirth. How she handled and recovered from bereavement is also discussed.
18. Spence, A. & SANDS (Vic.) (2008). Our Babies have Died: Stories of Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Neonatal Death. Michelle Anderson Publishing, South Yarra , Vic. Find in an Australian library
“This book is written by bereaved parents sharing their own stories for the benefit of others going through the grief of losing a child. Parents are helped by telling their stories to others and confirm that experiences they endure after the death of their child are often common amongst other bereaved parents. SANDS (Vic) has been supporting Australian parents since the early 1980’s providing 24-hour access to individual telephone support and monthly group support throughout a network of local community groups. SANDS organisations throughout Australia and internationally have developed the same model of self-help care providing not only direct support and resources but also advocacy for better care of parents - including community and professional education, and hospital and legislative change which impacts on parents after the death of a baby.”—Provided by publisher.
19. St John, A., Cooke, M., & Goopy, S. (2006). Shrouds of Silence: Three Women’s Stories of Prenatal Loss. The Australian Journal of Advanced Nursing, 23(3), 8–12.
Sunnybank Hospital, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
OBJECTIVE: To give voice to the experiences of women who have suffered a prenatal loss prior to a full term pregnancy. DESIGN: A descriptive, exploratory qualitative study using mini-biographies was used. In-depth interviews were conducted with women to record their experiences and stories. Interviews were transcribed and the patterns that emerged from the data were identified and themes generated. SUBJECTS: The mini-biographical stories of three women were gathered. Interviews occurred in the women’s homes. The women were recruited through an advertisement in the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Support (SANDS) newsletter. RESULTS: The stories revealed the tragedy, pain and silence endured by these women, as they live with loss and grief. Common themes emerged from their stories highlighting grief, isolation, anger and self-blame in the face of their loss and subsequent full term pregnancy. CONCLUSIONS AND IMPLICATIONS FOR PRACTICE: The emergent theme suggests that further research needs to explore how society and the health care community may compound women’s grief and isolation and in-turn perpetuate their feelings of anger. In telling their stories, these women give voice to their current health care practices may be modified to better support the needs of women who have suffered a prenatal loss and also points to the need for further research. Specifically, the study identifies a need for nurses and midwives to offer sensitive care, acknowledgment of previous loss and supportive counseling strategies for women following prenatal loss and during antenatal care for subsequent pregnancies.
20. Kohner, N. & Henley, A. & Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society (2001). When a Baby Dies : The Experience of Late Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Neonatal Death (Rev. ed). Routledge, London. Find in an Australian library
“When a Baby Dies describes the experience of losing a baby through late miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death. Based on the experiences of bereaved parents, the book is illustrated with stories and quotes taken from many hundreds of letters and interviews. Parents themselves speak about what happened when their baby died, how they felt, what helped them, and how they helped themselves.” “This book offers understanding of what it means to lose a baby and the grief that follows. It offers support to bereaved parents and insight to the professionals who care for them. This new, revised edition also includes fully updated medical information about the known causes of perinatal death; recommendations for professional practice; and sources of further information and support for parents.” [book jacket]
Literature:
21. Collins, C. (2011). Amaya. Midwifery Today, 99: 41.
Homebirth midwife, herbalist and writer. New Jersey and Connecticut, USA
Four women
waiting together
as women have always waited
outside of time
Four heartbeats
where five might
have been
Your mother
wailed
gasped
sharp rhythmic breaths
But you were silent
Empty seconds
Incomprehensible minutes
Sluggishly pass.
Sobered
We try to prepare
Each other, try to prepare
Your mother
But your birth
Is unknowable. So we simply
Wait.
Limp, grey
baby, born
into my pale, wavering hands.
Still
you fell from your mother’s glorious body
onto the white sheets below. Blood red
umbilical cord, wound around
shocking
in its vibrant color
Your absence, Amaya, was unbearable.
Do you know
What your mother did next?
She lifted
You to her breast
Smiling
And with a deep joy
She called you by your name
She admired your silky red hair
Creamy skin
Dark lips
Proud, she exclaimed out loud
how beautiful
you were
And I sobbed
My voice rang
Strangely in my ears
And tears blurred my vision
How foolish of me to think
that I could be present
but remain untouched
For families following perinatal death:
22. Bartsch, T., Gudzenovs, M. (ed.) (2014). Till we Meet Again : A Memories Book for Recording the Precious Lives of Stillborn Babies ...... Gone too Soon. Port Lincoln, S.Aust. Tarlia L Bartsch. Find in an Australian library
A memory book for parents of stillborns… room for pregnancy pictures, ultrasound pictures, hospital tags, hand and foot prints, pictures, and there’s also a place to record how you said goodbye; whether you had a funeral, a cremation or a memorial service. “There’s an area where you can write a message to your baby and you can record what you did for the first anniversary.” The book includes information about support services. It also features her story about Jayden along with her poems, with space to write your own poems and notes. There’s also information about Jayden’s Law, Mrs Bartsch’s campaign for birth certificates for babies stillborn under 20 weeks. [extract from Ewendt, N. (2014, Sept 23). ‘Memory Book for Stillborn Babies’. Port Lincoln Times, Port Lincoln, South Australia. Full text]
23. Davis, D. L. (2014). Stillbirth, Yet Still Born : Grieving and Honoring Your Precious Baby. New York: Fulcrum Publishing. Find in a bookshop
“When your baby dies before birth, you experience an extraordinary grief. You never get to hear your baby’s voice nor see life in your baby’s eyes. Still, your baby lived. Your baby came into this world. Your baby’s existence is important and real.This small book offers tailored information and support for parents experiencing the early hours, days, and weeks that follow the death and birth of their beloved baby. Stillbirth is always a devastating shock, a heartbreaking collision of birth and death that leaves parents helpless. In this accessible book, you will find comfort and ideas for affirming and honoring your precious baby’s life. Deborah L. Davis, PhD, is a developmental psychologist who writes books that support parents through perinatal crisis, including the death of a baby (Empty Cradle, Broken Heart; Stillbirth Yet Still Born), premature birth (Parenting Your Premature Baby and Child), parenting in the NICU (Intensive Parenting), making decisions about end-of-life care (Loving and Letting Go and When Courage Lies in Letting Go), and perinatal hospice (A Gift of Time). Over the past twenty years, parents have found comfort, hope, and healing in her books. Davis has also written professional articles, position statements, and book chapters on medical ethics, perinatal bereavement care, and NICU parenting, and she advocates for training and supporting the health care practitioners who work with these families. She is forever inspired by the resilience parents demonstrate and the transformation that takes place after surviving trauma. She also writes a blog for Psychology Today online. “—
“This small book offers tailored information and support to accompany parents through the early hours, days, and weeks that follow the death and birth of their beloved baby. It also offers strategies for enduring labor and delivery, and compassionate suggestions for spending time with the little one. Parents will find ideas for affirming and honoring their precious baby’s life”
24. Wenzel, A. (2014). Coping with Infertility, Miscarriage, and Neonatal Loss: Finding Perspective and Creating Meaning. Washington, D.C. American Psychological Association. Find in an Australian library
Pregnancy loss can be devastating, regardless of whether it is early or late in pregnancy or in the short period after a baby is born. In many instances, similar emotions are experienced when a couple learns that their fertility treatments were unsuccessful. This wise, compassionate book teaches proven cognitive-behavioral strategies for coping with infertility and pregnancy loss. You will learn about common grief experiences that occur with such losses, as well as ways to find perspective and meaning, identify and change unhelpful thoughts, gain acceptance, reconnect with others, and reengage in life. By applying these strategies, you can break out of the cycle of sadness and rumination and heal with grace and dignity. As a clinical psychologist, Dr. Amy Wenzel has helped countless women who have experienced infertility, pregnancy loss, and other reproductive traumas. Her extensive knowledge and compassion - augmented by her personal experience coping with neonatal loss and infertility - will help you effectively manage the grief associated with reproductive loss.
25. Wolfelt, A. (2013). Healing your Grieving Heart after Stillbirth: 100 Practical Ideas for Parents and Families. Companion Press, Chicago. Find in an Australian library
grief educator Dr. Alan Wolfelt compassionately explores the common feelings of shock, anger, guilt, and sadness that accompany a stillborn child, offering suggestions for expressing feelings, remembering the child, and healing as a family. Ideas to help each unique person-mother, father, grandparent, sibling, friend-are included, as are thoughts from families who experienced a stillbirth. This new addition to Dr. Wolfelt’s popular series is a healing companion to families when they need it most.
26. Gamino, L. & Cooney, A. (2002). When your Baby Dies through Miscarriage or Stillbirth. Augsburg, Minneapolis, Minn. ; [Great Britain] [Find in an Australian library]
The loss of a baby is one of the most acute losses a person can experience. In this helpful book, Louis A. Gamino and Ann Taylor Cooney address both miscarriage and stillbirth and the grief implications of each. They offer comfort to mothers, fathers, and families who must find ways to recognise their bond with the child who died and then move forward with their lives.
Last reviewed: 15/11/24