Infertility Awareness – It IS bigger on the inside

Infertility awareness week (#NIAW2024) April 21 - 27 provides a platform to be seen and heard by sharing our #ReMARKableStories to help raise awareness, remove stigma and taboo, as well as support and uplift those on their own unique journeys.

As I was reflecting on what to share for National Infertility Awareness Week (#NIAW2024) I found a photo taken a few years ago of me in front of a TARDIS at the ABC radio studio in Melbourne where I was being interviewed for a segment on baby loss. I couldn’t help but say out loud those iconic words any Dr Who fan would understand – It’s bigger on the inside. And as I heard myself, I thought – wow – how fitting are those words for people who struggle with infertility.

What the world sees is a neat, fairly small box of doctors’ appointments, injections, blood tests, medical procedures, pregnancy tests, and hopefully a miracle baby. Done and dusted. The miracle worked.

But the reality is far, far, far bigger than that.

Much like the TARDIS, the journey through the time and space that occupy the minds and hearts of people with infertility is larger on the inside than it appears from the outside.

There is a whirlwind of emotions at every step of the journey, from hope and anticipation, to joy, to disappointment and despair.

The joy of a positive pregnancy test can be dashed as quickly as it rises if there is a miscarriage, medically required termination, stillbirth, or newborn death. These are the losses we seldom hear about if we are not in the close circle of people on the infertility journey. Why? It is just too hard to communicate the extent of pain and disappointment when so much has gone into trying to achieve this pregnancy. For some, there is a sense of failure, for some the sadness is just too much, and for some the silence is easier to bear than the pain of no support or inane comments (more on what not to say in another blog).

Loss of this magnitude is confronting and not many people have the emotional stamina to sit with this pain to support the person undergoing loss. And yet, people grappling with infertility navigate through this expansive mental and emotional interior world everyday while appearing to be contained on the outside. We face internal challenges that test our resolve, resilience, and often relationships with people in our family and social networks.

Even when we are taking a break from treatment cycles, our minds and hearts are still consumed with planning, hoping, and dreaming for the next cycle that just might be the one.

The other interior expanse that people might not be aware of are the myriad of emotions of the many secondary losses. The promotions we decline because we might be on maternity leave in a few months. The relocation we refuse because we have embryos in the freezer and are comfortable with our current clinic. The holidays we put off because we just don’t have additional finances. The social gatherings we avoid for fear of triggers or because we are in pain. The loss and redefinition of sense of purpose and identity. The health issues - physical and mental. The relationships that end simply because people with children feel uncomfortable around us.

Yes, very much like the TARDIS – infertility is so much bigger on the inside than people on the outside can ever imagine.

And for some of us on the inside, much like the Doctor and his companions, we forge connections, find solace in seeking out community that understands, find our meaning, and discover newfound depths of self, purpose, meaning, and identity.

For the few who are able to support us in this journey we thank you for your courage and compassion. Will you continue to rise to the challenge of #NIAW2024 and educate yourselves to help foster a culture of inclusivity, understanding and support?

For those on your own infertility journey or who have ended their journeys – do you have a platform for dialogue and support?

I stepped off the #ivfrollercoaster over 2 decades ago without my miracle take home babies. I decided then that one day, in honour of my losses, I will be involved in education, advocacy, and helping empower individuals and communities to break the silence surrounding infertility and its many losses.

It was and still is my dream to see a future where infertility is met with empathy, compassion, and accessible support.

This #NIAW2024, I am restating my commitment to leave an impactful mark on this community by speaking up about the challenges of the #infertilityjourney, supporting those who are fighting for their dream, and providing a safe space for those in need of being seen and heard.

By shining a spotlight on this often overlooked internal journey, I hope to encourage dialogue, create inclusivity, understanding, and support for those facing fertility challenges.

Together we can navigate the complexities of this journey united in our quest to leave a mark of understanding, solidarity, and hope. We can emerge stronger, wiser, and more compassionate than ever before.

This blog was originally posted on Life After IVF and has been reposted with permission of the author.

Last reviewed: 3/5/24