Take Care of Yourself

Giving support to your friend or family member means sharing their pain. Listening and caring can be exhausting. So make sure you have support for yourself.

“We had looked forward to our first Christmas as a family, but this was not to be, because Zoë died mid-October at eight and a half months. We received dozens of Christmas cards, but the one that meant the most to me was the only one to mention our daughter. It simply said “…and our memories of Zoë remain clear.” I was so grateful that her life was acknowledged, and that someone had thought to let us know that she hadn’t been forgotten.”

Joanna

Zoë, 3.2.91 -15.10.91

Each experience of a child’s sudden and unexpected death is unique, and parents react in very different ways to their own tragedy. No matter what the experience, though, they will need friendship and support. Your friend or family member will never forget their loss, but they will eventually learn to live with it. And while your lasting support and friendship will not take away the pain, it will make it more bearable.

You may never know the value of the support you have given, but you will make a difference

Then there are those, the blessed ones,

who say in so many ways

the only thing I need to hear.

“I am so sorry, David.”

“I am with you, David.”

The ones who, even five weeks later,

ask gently, as if for the first time:

“How are you today?”

“How are you doing now?”

These bring tears to my eyes.

These you could not buy with gold.

From the poem entitled “Michael” By David Morawetz

Michael, 4.3.85 – 18.4.85

(Published in the United Sates as “Go Gently – A Parent’s Grief” Centering Corporation 1991)

This article was prepared using extracts from To Family and Friends: You can Make a Difference1 The full text is available online or contact Red Nose Grief and Loss Services on 1300 308 307 for a printed version.


Last reviewed: 22/12/24