Grieving Differences and Grieving Patterns of a Couple Grieving the Death of Their Child

ONE may feel uncomfortable dealing on such a feeling level and finds excuses to avoid such conversations.

THE OTHER may need to talk about the event, needing to go over it to search for answers.

ONE may be angry with God.

THE OTHER may take comfort in their faith. ”God’s Will” may be the only explanation that gives any meaning to what has happened.

ONE may not feel good about visiting the cemetery.

THE OTHER may want to visit the cemetery often.

ONE may throw themselves into work, hobby or other activity to manage the hurt.

THE OTHER may withdraw, read about grief and write about the experience to express hurt.

ONE may need space to grieve and behave however they need and may resent feelings being imposed upon them.

THE OTHER may expect the other to grieve the same way they do, and, if they do not, they are seen as not caring.

ONE may want to avoid showing their pain in front of other people.

THE OTHER may seek support groups as an outlet for their pain.

ONE may want to make love for the comfort and reassurance that comes with intimacy.

THE OTHER may have no interest in making love and think it shows lack of respect to baby.

ONE may want their life back the way it was before the baby died.

THE OTHER may realize that life is forever changed – it cannot be the same again

ONE may seek to numb their pain through alcohol, drugs, shopping, extramarital affairs.

THE OTHER may be angry at doctors or other medical people in authority.

ONE may feel their extended family has let them down or doesn’t understand.

THE OTHER may blame the other for what has happened.

BOTH may be so caught up in their own grief that they do not see that THE OTHER is also upset and sad.


Last reviewed: 23/8/19