Signs of Healing

1. You have enough energy to cope with your own grief work but still have something left for others. It helps us all to have someone support and listen to us.
2. Your emotions are less intense, you have dealt with them, you have written about them and therefore they are less frightening. You can face your emotions and express them to others. You no longer need to run away.
3. You begin to experience times without emotional stress – even if just for an hour at first. Initially you may feel guilty about this freedom- you may feel you have betrayed your lost child – but you will get used to these times.
4. It will be easier to share your grief with others as you become comfortable with your grief.
5. You can visit memories and not be gripped by the sadness - of course you will always have some sadness, but it will not be as painful or as long lasting.
6. You realise that you and your wife did your best. If you feel guilt you forgive yourself. If you blame your wife, you forgive her. This forgiving may have to be done over and over until you really believe it. Gradually the pain subsides.
7. You find glimpses of meaning in life. After a child dies all meaning may seem to leave and be gone for a long time. When it returns it seems to be an amazing discovery. It may take months, possibly years to experience joy again, but if you take your grief work seriously, it can happen.
8. You start to plan for the future. Think of doing family things on holidays and birthdays. Include the deceased child’s birthday and/or death day. Perhaps a tradition can be started that will help you and your family get through the annual tough times and at the same time enhance the memory of the child.

Last reviewed: 19/4/24